Up to what extent are you willing to sacrifice - for the relationship and for the one you love?
But before I go on, let me just make my apology (in advance) to these couples that I'm going to feature, they doesn't know that I will be blogging their stories here, hahaha. Actually this is not solely their stories, these are what I know about them and why I do inspired on their stories and of course I will not put them in here if I don't love them. I love these people and I do look upon them.
Being in a long years is not a guarantee
I witnessed several cases how both party suffers when they broke up from each other after so many years of being together. It took them 5 years, 8 years, or even 10 years being in a girlfriend-boyfriend stage but didn't reach into the aisle and exchange lifetime vows. My Dad once told me when I'm still in a relationship na if ever daw na gusto na naming magpakasal two years are enough to know well each other, as long as sure na..hmmm well sorry to disappoint you on that side Daddy, I'm not yet ready..hahaha. Why he said it, because na-witness daw nila sa common friend nila ni Mommy how both party suffers after the break up. Yung hindi ka na halos sanay or kaya na tumayo sa sarili mo kasi sanay ka na laging may kasama. Guys, may it be a lesson for us, loving a person is different from being dependent to the person. We have are own life to live, a life not depends on ones existence.
I called them Tita Ninang and Tito Ninong. I met her at Graduate School during my MPA days, she became my partner in one of my research project, and we became friends. No wonder she's in here, she's one of my best friend. Both them are working as a public servant - Tita Chie is working in COMELEC, Sto. Tomas Batangas while Tito Manolo is in Municipal Hall of San Juan Batangas. I heard their story straight from both of them actually but more on Tita, hahaha.
They are living in the same hometown pero just like any other they are casual, no spark sabi nga nila. Tita has boyfriend then, she's been to a long years relationship but obviously didn't work. She's studying in Manila or I think she's working na, I'm not sure all I remember sa kwento nya is nagkita sila ni Tito sa Manila and found out from each other that they are staying both there, so that's the start. Nagka-spark na and after 6 months they get married. Its not that easy according to Tita, it took them years to adjust, sabi nga nya in marriage its a continuous adjustments, and its really a give and take process. There were times that she wants to give up but she bears in her mind and heart the vows of lifetime that she once promised. Another that they are always telling me,
remain to be friends even you are married. I really witnessed it to them para pa rin silang magkabarkada, magkaibigan kahit mag-asawa na. Well, as many says friendship is the best of any kind of relationship. God granted them 3 children - Miko, Maoi, Maan. Their eldest is now working as a project manager at his young age in Manila while Maoi is a freshmen college student, and Maan is her highschool. truly this family is a blessing to me. I am one of their "ampon" hahaha, I tried to visit them every time I go vacation in Philippines. Truly my prayers for the whole family. Anyway the reason behind the Tito Ninong and Tita Ninang endearment is they will be one of my Ninong and Ninang on my wedding, hahaha wala pa nga lang date kung kailan :-)
Give way and giving up
Are you ready to give up your career over a marriage? Of course without thinking its easy for you just to say "yes" normally it happens when a man popped up a question to a woman, kasunod na discussion on "career" set up in future or after the marriage most especially if your partner is not that in favor of career path that you are walking into. Let's face it there are some careers or jobs that can really affect the family relationship or for the couples and parents to be sa paghahandle nila ng family. What if you're at the peak of your career, are you willing to give it up and give way to the path you don't know what is in the end? Parang movie lang pero it happens in reality.
Like Tita Chie I met Ian in Graduate School, he is my thesis partner until years passed by until now my best friend. I witnessed the first time Eden and Ian exchanged vows in a civil wedding. Its only me, Tita Chie and the couple. Ian is opened to me about her girlfriend Eden actually to all of us his friends its just so happen na mas close nga lang kami that's why. It took him years daw before he finally get "yes" for Eden to become his girlfriend. He never give up on her. When I met Ian, parang 6 years or more than na yata silang steady as gf-bf and everytime we asked him kung bakit di pa nagsesettle down, he's always telling na may right time daw. During those years, nasa peak of his career sya, he won as the 2nd councilor of Sangguniang Bayan in Rosario Batangas, in short politics is his game. Eden is then working as med-tech if I'm not mistaken in one hospital. According to Ian, Eden is "not much" favor being Ian into the politics, well knowing politics naman talaga, iba ang laro. There is a condition, Ian will just finished his second set of term and stop into the politics and they will get married. He was offered to be a Vice Mayor then, I think he is the youngest in the line that time but he refused. I remember its our final exam in the Graduate School not ordinary "final" exam, para syang board exam actually if we fail hindi namin makukuha yung diploma namin with certain serial number like license number, I forgot what they call it, where in the library and reading broadsheet when I turned the page I saw a picture of a big house, then I showed it to him. And with a sad voice he said "sino pang ititira ko jan kahit magkaroon ako" and I learned from him that Eden will be leaving the next day to UK. He just learned everything the day yesterday, ayaw kasi ni Eden mawala yong concentration nya sa exam. After year or two, I'm not exactly sure, she come back and Ian then is still councilor. He called me and ask help as he knows naman na may alam rin ako about civil code. In short, they get married in civil, its a secret marriage actually, why civil and SM kasi nga yung time of preparation. They renewed their vows in the church 2006 and now they are living in UK with 2 beautiful children, their eldest named Anya is my god-daughter. Its not easy to give up the lifestyle that you used to have, he went through a big adjustments, the daily life he used to have in Philippines - he used to have his driver and body guard, the food will only be served to him, he has "kasambahay" in their house who will wash and iron his clothes, he has his own secretary in his office, and so much more. But as I've talked to him all those adjustments has been paid off having a wonderful family - a happy and at peace family. For some they might say na pwede namang pagsabayin but as my view as well giving up sometimes for something and giving way for new one is the best option to take. I know their children will always be proud of the decision he made. Its been years I didn't see them but from time to time we still communicate and I'm so happy how his life as a family man going well.
Voice out through Action
Society tagged women as the nagger in the house, they are the one who's shouting, who asked to do this and that, kaya nga siguro nauso yung "under the saya". Well not in all cases, women are just shouting over something na wala namang kabuluhan, but there are women who instead of shouting just proved and fight their stand by their action and faith. Can you do that despite of everything you see? well not literally keep quiet naman all the time pero yung you will fight with respect pa rin. Yup with respect, if you think it can't be well your wrong.Women must submit themselves to men as the Bible says
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord" Ephesians 5:22
Meet Kuya Mike and Ate Caren, they are my brethren at QICM (Qatar International Christian Ministries) and we are in one bible study cell group. The first time I met them with their children everything seems to be harmonious, I mean it seems they didn't went through challenges and trials in life. Kuya Mike is "kengkoy" but he is a man of words while Ate Caren is sweet and thoughtful, and no wonder their 3 children were raised with manners and fear on the Lord. The first time I heard their testimony on how they started their family life I'm a bit emotional, why? because I'm thinking what if I'm on Ate Caren shoes? can I bear it all. Like any other woman Ate Caren wants the best for her family, she wants to have a happy married life and family of her own. But aspiration to have one is not enough to achieve everything. Married life before seems not to be an ideal thing - kabi-kabila away. most of the time they are hurting each other through words and maybe sometimes physically but she didn't give up. She's from a broken family and she doesn't want to have the same. Ate Caren is the first to become a Christian in her family. She's still a baby Christian that time, and whenever there are bible studies and church services she carries her 3 children. Whenever she asked Kuya Mike na sumama sa mga BS and church services ang dami nyang alibi kesyo magluluto na lang syang para may kakainin ang magiina paguwi from the church, 'pag may mga bible study ang daming pupuntahan. Iniisip ko pa lang how difficult it is to be in the same house with different faith - sisimba kayo pero di kayo magkakasama, magpra-pray sa harap ng pagkain pero may isa na kumakain na, and how about sa pagpa-pray, at kung ano-ano pa. Ate make a stand despite of Kuya is not a Christian she fight for her faith, akala lang ng iba madali yon pero mahirap ang ganong set up especially you have children who needs attention, proper guidance and can see how's their environment especially inside the house itself. Kuya Mike is now a Christian, Ate Caren's life has been an example and living testimony on how good God is and how amazingly God can change ones life. They are blessed to have 3 children - Carl. Vixen, Mikah who are also serving the Lord at their young age. Just this year their eldest Carl started his college in Philippines, we're all praying for him that kung paano sya ginamit ni Lord here in Doha ganon din sya pagamit in Philippines.
Truly a Christian faith that we have must not compromise over a certain person, or over things. The Lord knows the desire of our heart all we need is to wait for the right time, I know like Ate Caren there are some of you are hoping and still praying that your loved ones will one day accept Christ as their personal savior too and one day you will be together in Church services too. So don't give up and keep the faith burning, live by example and be your neighbors bible.
Till the end
33 years of being married to each other is an achievement after all the trials, challenges, storms, or even you call it tsunami or tornado. I am a witnessed of how they surpassed it all and their story will always be a lifetime inspiration for me.
For those who are visiting here in my site you might read already the love story of Mommy and Daddy, how they started as boyfriend - girlfriend and get married, but for those of you who doesn't really know just read it
HERE :-) Their story is not a fairytale as in, I'm just a proud daughter how they overcome everything and how living happily as family. They are not both Christian before, my parents strive hard in order to get a good job and to give us the best that they can. As a children we have nothing to ask for, they studied in a private schools, we can have a the latest toys, shoes or clothes but honestly what I am thankful is nung bata kami we know what's "enough" means at ang salitang "hindi pwede", maybe one of the reason also for us not to be called as spoiled brat and mas lalo namang hindi deprived. But as we grow our eyes were opened that material things are just temporary and what we want is a happy and peaceful family. Happiness not found in material things and peaceful home not only if Daddy is not drunk. As I recall how our life before - yup we have almost everything pero kasabay ng pagka promote ng Daddy sa work, kasabay ng pagtaas ng sweldo kasabay rin ng unti-unting paggulo ng family namin - madalas syang lasing sa alak at sa sugalan, madalas silang nagaaway ni Mommy, nawitness lahat namin yon. I was in highschool then when Daddy decided to work abroad, despite of his good job in the government, nagising sya na malaki ang tendency na masira ang pamilya namin kung patuloy sya sa ganoong gawain. My mom didn't give up, sa dami nyang pinagdaan, added factor pa yung mga taong feeling concern pero in the end makiki-chismis lang pala, the emotional burden she had, but she never give up - never give up to Daddy. My Dad accepted Christ as his personal Savior in Saudi, naging born again sya. Almost everyday sumusulat sya kay Mommy as in may reference number yung mga sulat nila para alam if ever may hindi natanggap, hindi pa kasi uso that time ang internet, wala pa ring cellphone. My Mom followed, but there's a resistance on us. I remember na kinausap kami ni Mommy, as an eldest ako ang nauna, sinabi nya sa akin na ano daw ba ang gusto ko yung dating buhay ni Daddy at magulong family or yung born again na si Daddy at peaceful and happy family kami. I just cried. After two years bumalik si Daddy, hindi naging madali for me and my brother ang pagbalik nya feeling namin we have someone stranger na kasama sa bahay, walang mga kabarkada nya ang pumupunta para makipaginuman kung meron man kwentuhan pero coffee or juice or iced tea lang, most of the time nasa bahay lang, hindi mo na sya makikita sa mga sugalan, hindi mo na sya maririnig na nagmumura instead words from the Bible ang maririnig mo. He didn't force us to do the same pero nakita ko talaga how he live his life, everything seems to change, nung una ayaw ko pang maniwala that it is possible pero it counted years until I myself accepted Christ too in my life. And I never regret it from the day I accepted Christ, truly I am very thankful that the Lord used my Dad's life - he lived by example, he is as a living testimony for us. My mom said "kung hindi naging born again si Daddy malamang hiwa-hiwalay na tayo" . Everytime I was reminded of those words from Mommy I feel more and more blessed and thankful how God works into our family. But don't think that after that is all smooth, marami pa rin kaming mga pinagdaanang pagsubok but the only difference now, we are facing it as a family, we are facing it with God. I'm so much thankful for my parents they both didn't give up for each other and for our family.
How long are you ready to hold on for a relationship especially for a marriage? Its a lifetime vow, a lifetime covenant and lifetime means till death.
These are only few couples that really inspires me, I am blessed with people whose life, their married life opened my eyes about the married life; that its not all about happiness, its not all about being together, its not all about emotions of love - its must be more that "being" than "about" . Being patient, being selfless, being strong to face any challenges together, being an overcomer, and so on.
Ephesians 5:25-33
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
Marriage is more than the wedding. So to single men and women out there including me, think a million times before saying "I DO" as the vow you uttered in a day is a lifetime commitment and covenant.
To all couples, Kudos to all of you for being tough in facing all the challenges of a married life and for striving hard to your family and most especially for never giving up inspite and despite of what you've been through.
God bless all us
