Everyday is a new challenge for me - from the time I opened my eyes, dressed up and go to work. I always put on my mind that I need to be better that I was yesterday, I need to accomplish something not for myself alone but even to the simplest thing I can do for others.
Today morning after I had my quiet times, I suddenly reminded that tomorrow will be the start of my birth month. Few days from now, the 3 will become 4 but honestly I'm not afraid to get old. I am always proud to tell people about my age whenever I'm asked, I don't mind the numbers honestly.
I am a dreamer and planner ever since I was a child. I planned everything and trusted it all to God. I dreamed to be a lawyer - family lawyer to be exact. When a grade 6 teacher of mine asked the class who wants to be a lawyer when we grow up, only 3 of us raised hands. When one of my high school teacher asked me what course will I get in college, I told her that first I will enroll to a pre-law course, AB Political Science then I'll take Bachelor of Law after. At early age, I know what I want. But not all we wanted will be the best for us.
I graduated college at the age of 19. Though I thought its an advantage for me to get a job easily I was wrong. I remember that I was turn down to certain job vacancy because of my age. I passed the exam and interviews but when they check my age and found out that I'm only 19, they told me that I may not handle the position as I will working with older staffs than me. Instead of wasting time and to get bored, I tried other opportunities while waiting. I became a family tutor for 4 children. I really enjoy being with children, you can learn a lot from them - even in the simple stories they will share to you. There were times that I get depressed too, minsan I asked myself "bakit yung iba nakakakuha kaagad sila ng magandang trabaho, bakit yung mga dati kong classmate or batchmate na bumabagsak-bagsak at nakakilang retake sa subject sila pa yung naha-hire, bakit ako na ang gand-ganda ng grade ko, why its hard for me to get a job" Sometimes I even cry hard and ask the Lord kung ano ba, should I pursue my law proper ba but He knows that I will not pursue it without any job kasi alam Nya na magla-law ako if I have my own money to spend in my schooling. I keep on waiting.
I love and like to be in public office even before I took up my course. I saw my parents how dedicated they were on their own field. They were both government employees in department of health. My mom being a midwife even put a small clinic in her house. There were times na magigising ka na lang sa hatinggabi sa tunog ng doorbell or lakas ng tawag sa gate kasi may manganganak, though hindi sya connected sa barangay nor sa city kung saan kami nakatira she will do the duty, the next day kahit puyat she will still go to office likewise with my father. I remember he told us during the earthquake in Baguio that in public service you need to sacrifice and sometimes let even you loved ones to sacrifice for the welfare of more people. Nung dumating sya from Baguio at kinwento nya how tragic it was and even at night he's shouting on his dream to rescue the other victims. Its clear for me that sometimes I really need to sacrifice and deny even my own time for myself to serve others.
While waiting to get a job, I enrolled instead in Law into Graduate School. Almost all of my classmates are working - some are department heads of government agencies, some are politicians and some are scholars by their parents, and that's where I belong.
I learned so many things in my MPA but above all things I learned to communicate with people from different walks, I am molded to talk and be confident. Ang dami and I could say talagang may impact sa akin and additional are friends and best friends that I met and still have in me until now.
At the age of 22 I graduated from MPA, since I am a full time student mabilis akong natapos I even enrolled summer class kasi sabi ko sayang naman yung oras kesa mabored ako.
I'm very idealistic that anyone can have a government item position even without "padrinos", though my parents told me that it going to be hard. I tried several times and I failed but I keep on trying, I don't know whats on government agencies or offices na kung tutuusin naman nga mas malaki ang salary ng nasa private. I was hired as a contractual employee and detailed into DILG. I love working with people and reaching them to the best I can, it may sounds "showbiz" but yes there are still government agencies that really perform their duties I mean a genuine public service, well I don't know your opinion about that but I am blessed to work with DILG- Batangas City. Though I am a detailed employee on the department, I didn't feel that way, they assure me that I am a part of them. I learned so many things and I know I contributed in a way too. But since I am a city government employee there's no guarantee or should I say no way to be permanent in the position. My boss then offer to apply in DILG directly but I was not able to pursue cos my papers from my Aunt abroad already came out. My four years in public service ended but my hope that in God's perfect time I will come back never loose.
I'm now walking on my 9th year in my present company in Doha, Qatar. Though every day is a struggle and challenge to walk here as I am away to my family. I am thankful to the Lord for the everyday strength and guidance His giving me; for the wisdom, understanding and knowledge to perform my duties and tasks in my work and even in some activities I am doing. Though I'm used to the lifestyle here, I'm always looking forward, hoping and praying that soon I will be back home.
For several attempt I plan to resign to my work but still it didn't prosper. God I know has His plan better than mine.
Everyday, I'm longing to be with my family, to spend time with them and continue all the unfinished
dreams ambitions that I once started. It's still sounds ideal to be back in public service after being away for almost 9 years but I trust the Lord that there's nothing impossible for Him - I have a big GOD may mas malakas pa bang padrino than Him? Though there were times lately na parang I want to drop na lang yung eagerness ko to apply in government office but every time na magaattempt ako, the Lord is giving me new hope that its still possible for me, na yung dream magiging reality, na yung ambition magiging possibilies.
Tomorrow will be my birth month and I'm excited to God's surprise gift for me. More than any material things God knows the desire of my heart and I trusts Him that will give me the best and not the "pwede na ito". I'm excited that next time you will read my blog, may continuation na and nareceive ko na ang birthday gift ko from Him. As I approach on my birthday, kindly pray for me that the Lord will continue to give me wisdom especially in all the decisions that I'm going to make.
"Many are the plans of a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" - Proverbs 19:21